Cheryl is a  Learning Doula--a person who supports others as they learn, unlearn and emerge into their wealth and possibilities. budding pioneer of the field of learning and development. She is an established personal accountability and self-help author and has formed her business around the principles of autonomy, authenticity, and the courageous questioning that she writes about. Her new book, The Last Evaluation (coming soon) visits these principles in the framework of genuine and seamless living and working.




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Soup of The Day: The Tears of Your Enemies

August 6, 2015


We have a complete and total fascination, with varying degrees of delight, with others' suffering. We feel content and at ease when others get what's coming to them. When we witness suffering of those we don't know or those whom we may know but don't have a close relationship, we get somewhat of an "I'm glad it isn't me" feeling. But when it's someone we do know and that "someone" has slighted us in some way, there's a special kind of elation in witnessing their suffering. People whom we deem "enemies" evoke our right-brain creativity as we dream of ways to get them back. When those who have transgressed against us are finally punished (whether by our hand or another's) we're giddy, gleeful, joyous and tingly all over. Everyone reading this post knows exactly what I'm talking about. For example, I recently watched a documentary called "Waiting for Armageddon" where what I'm saying here could not be more evident. I was glued to the television as individuals spoke of how much "fun" it would be to watch as Jesus and his army warred with and systematically slaughtered unrepentant humans "until the blood ran as high as a horse's bridle". And it doesn't stop there. They would then stand on the sidelines and watch as each individual soul was judged and sent to live the remainder of eternity in the fiery pits of an agonizing and tormenting Hell where the maggots that eat their putrid, rotting flesh never die and the fire that rages inside and outside their dark, evil, sin-filled bodies shall never be quenched This is exciting stuff, believe me. I know what of I speak for I too was waiting for Armageddon. I was one of those individuals, salivating for the day when I would be rewarded and enemies of God (who were of course my enemies as well) would be horribly punished by Him and his army of Angels; while I sat innocently by forgiven of all wrongdoing and waiting to be heavily and Heavenly rewarded for my choice to side with the "goodies".


I saw this message in a meme posted on Facebook:


Karma--No need for revenge. Just sit back & wait. Those who hurt you will eventually screw up themselves and if you're lucky, God will let you watch.


This received several hundred thousand "likes"...of course. Think of a person who has egregiously wronged you. Now imagine them getting their comeuppance. Imagine them suffering just as much, or even more than they made you suffer. Really imagine it. Don't hold back. See them getting what they deserve.  Doesn't that feel good? Isn't there a release of tension, a feeling of relief and a heightened level of satisfaction and "rightness" with the world again? Once they get what's coming to them everything is back in alignment and flows without obstruction just as it should. What's up with that? Why is the world right again, our minds calm again, our eyes sparkly again, and our cheeks rosy again when our enemy is punished? Why the joy, happiness, glee and sense of calm when our enemies finally get what's coming to them? It's because we all must get what we deserve. There's no way around this. Your actions bear consequences. It's simple cause and effect. Tension is released and everything is made right in the face of others' pain because you are getting what you believe you deserve. By making a separate world made of mental concepts, you've crucified and murdered "Reality". You've defiled "creation" and you deserve to be punished in the worst way for all Eternity.



On one hand you want to be innocent but on the other hand you believe you deserve to be punished. It's self harm taking place vicariously through this "other" that you've made. When young girls cut or burn themselves this is called self-injury. It's the act of deliberately harming your own body. Self-injury is an unhealthy way to cope with buried emotional pain, intense anger and frustration. While it does bring a momentary sense of calm, release of tension and "rightness" with the world, this is followed by guilt, shame and the return of painful emotions...thus they must cut or burn themselves again. When you feel right, good and gleeful at the idea of punishing your enemies, you are like a teenage girl sitting on a cold, hard bathroom floor with tears rolling down your mascara-smudged eyes as you, with a brand new shiny razor blade choose the best area on your arms and thigh to begin cutting. Then with great precision and practiced acuity, you slice and slice and slice attempting to punish yourself for what you have not done.


You never punish your enemy. You have no enemy. You never witness your enemy's suffering, you are the "enemy" and the only one who suffers. There's only you, with a mistaken belief that you have separated yourself within the Whole. Look around you and see that this has not happened. You have not done anything wrong. Self-harm is not necessary. Enemies are not needed. Look at the guilt and shame as it arises and see that there is no reason for it. Be joyous, gleeful and content without needing to suffer. It is possible. It's possible to see and still live, have opinions, advocate, make choices and have "enemies"...but there's a difference. Find out what that is.



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